You don’t have to have a lot of ... Read More »]]> Kathie Truitt, author of The Hillbilly Debutante Café, one day found herself jobless and homeless, a paradoxical opportunity to completely turn her life around; a second chance. Kathie says, “I got rid of the socialite sweater sets, the business suits and pumps, which were not me, and went to what is me – vintage dresses and cowboy boots… I surround myself with the things I like; I have a country-style house, I drive a pickup, and, once a month, I take a ride out to one of the places featured in Southern Living magazine.”

You don’t have to have a lot of money to live a life truer to your spirit. Truitt offers some suggestions:

Make location a state of mind.  Does your heart yearn to be somewhere else? If you can’t follow your heart, bring that place to you. If you love all things Paris, for instance, decorate a room or your whole home Parisian style, ride a bicycle, or take a French class and maybe you’ll meet some like-minded friends.

Turn your passion into a career. You don’t have to give up your day job to pursue a career doing what gratifies and satisfies you. Whether you dream of writing a novel, designing jewelry or being a race car driver, working at it even part-time will help you feel fulfilled.

Take the plunge and start your own business. In 2011, entrepreneurs started 543,000 new businesses each month. With all the tax breaks and incentives being offered to small businesses now, it’s a good time to open that restaurant you always wanted, or launch that graphics design studio. You’ll never know until you try!

Though Truitt yearns for her hometown, El Dorado Spring, MO, she makes the best of her new life in Washington D.C., where she wrote a novel about a small town facing financial trouble. “There are many ways to live your dreams” says Truitt, “You’re limited only by your imagination. I don’t want to be that person looking back on my life and regretting that I lived it by someone else’s rules.”

Where will you find yourself?

Kathie Truitt is a former radio personality and speaker in the South, where she was crowned Mrs. Missouri America. She’s the author of False Victim, a memoir about the nightmare of events that forced her from her home. She sells vintage-style clothing, accessories and jewelry.

My guess is that right about now you are wondering why a couple would wait so long before they seek help. Well, couples often ‘beat themselves up’ when things go wrong making statements like, “we should be able to repair this ourselves”, or “what if there ... Read More »]]> Did you know that on average people who are unhappy in their romantic relationship have been so for about 7 years before they seek help? And let me tell you 7 years of misery and disappointment take a terrible toll on what I call the ‘emoplasticity’ or the emotional flexibility and bandwidth of a relationship.

My guess is that right about now you are wondering why a couple would wait so long before they seek help. Well, couples often ‘beat themselves up’ when things go wrong making statements like, “we should be able to repair this ourselves”, or “what if there is no fix for our relationship and we have to get a divorce?” I call these ‘motivation-busters’ and they serve to halt any productive action.

How do I know when I’m in trouble relationship – wise? Paint me a picture.

Your relationship for the purposes of this illustration looks like a stool. There is the seat, which is the marriage itself, that is balanced atop and supported by, three legs. The legs of the stool are called Passion, Play and Productivity. If anything happens to one or more of the legs, the stool begins to get wobbly, and if the legs are damaged enough they will collapse entirely and the stool will be destroyed!

Let’s look at what each leg does:

• Passion: It’s about your commitment, sex, affection and the desire to simply ‘be’ with your partner.
• Play: Everybody has a child inside them and that part of each of us needs to play with the child in our beloved.
• Productivity: It’s the business of relationship, paying bills, talking out the garbage, etc.

Can I repair my stool if it is broken?

Possibly. If you build your stool out of good materials but your aspirations are ‘fuzzy’ and your stool collapses, that’s eminently fixable. If you build your stool out of ‘emotional chewing gum and bailing twine’ and you are all about great aspirations (think the multi-million dollar wedding, 72 day Kardashian marriage) that’s not repairable.

The ‘stool’ model is a useful tool that you can use to check on the health of your intimate relationship. Have a frank conversation with your partner and ask, “How sturdy is our stool?” Examine the various legs together and determine which ones may or may not need work. If your stool is solid, hurrah for you! If it’s a little more on the wobbly side here are some practical dos and don’ts.

Don’t wait for things to get worse. If you’ve been unhappy for more than 6 months get help.

Do ‘shrink shop’, if you need professional help. Remember, all therapists are not created equal!

Do be careful about with whom you choose to discuss your relationship difficulties. This could come back to ‘haunt’ you. You may convince your mother and your best friend that, “he’s” a lout and then decide to stay with him because you’ve ‘ironed things out’ to your satisfaction.  Your confidants may not agree with and may be quite vocal in their objections to your decision.

Don’t complain to your partner’s parents about him or her. This will not resolve anything and it will hurt your relationship on multiple levels.

Do be careful about heeding advice from friends and family because there is some pretty terrible ‘folksy’ relationship remedies out there.

Do not talk to your children about problems in your relationship no matter what their age. Your children are not your confidants.

Do not stay in violent relationships. Remember, violence + jealousy + verbal abuse do not under any circumstances = love.

Do not stay in a relationship for ‘the sake of the children’. Even though you don’t tell them you are doing so, the children will know. Believe me, kids tell me about this all the time. And believe this too, your children will not thank you for it, because guess where they learn their intimacy skills from…

Do find a way to talk to each other from ½ hour to 1 hour every day. Put the kids to bed or if they are old enough tell them to amuse themselves and not bother you unless something catastrophic happens like a flood, an invasion of locusts or a toaster fire. The latter is a complex story involving tubs of margarine shoved into toasting slots meant for bagels which I will save for another article. Anyway, I can’t emphasize the importance of this enough, talking = intimacy. At first you’ll probably discuss mundane things like your child’s hamster’s health or the ‘obnoxious guy’ at work. After that there will likely be some painful silence and then you’ll start to talk about important stuff. Things like, are you happy? If not, what makes you unhappy? Do you remember when we fell in love? Do you remember why we fell in love? And so forth.

Do, when you have your conversational time together, remember to turn off the TV, your cell phone, your iPad, your email, your Twitter feed and your Facebook page, etc. You can always TiVo or DVR the show you are missing but you can’t record your relationship for viewing later.

Do use ‘fair fighting’ rules when you disagree. No name calling, no hitting, no throwing objects, no character assassination and only one topic at a time, please.

Do use ‘times out’ when discussions begin to escalate. If you allow things to spiral ‘out of control’ nothing good will come of it. Remember, you can return to whatever you are discussing when things are calmer.

Do go on weekly dates. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, just a little ‘quality time’.

Do know that marriage is like an ocean,” the love tide comes in and the love tide goes out”. If however, your tide is mostly out, go back and review the first two ‘dos and don’ts’.

Dr. Cochran is a transpersonal psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, educator and author with more than 30 years of experience. Dr. Cochran works with her partner, board certified family physician David J. Waggoner, MD, at Saratoga Family Health Center, where she takes a whole person approach to health and wellness, treating the individual, not the symptoms.

Dr. Cochran is the author of “What Are You Afraid Of” and a columnist for The Huffington Post and a contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Cochran hosts the radio program; Whole Brain Thinking: Wisdom, Love, Magic Visit: www.drcochran.com and www.sfhc.com

Photo credit © Kurhan | Dreamstime.com

An Average American Entrepreneur’s Wine Manifesto

By Mick Harrison

I was brought up in the small Midwestern town of Coffeyville, Kansas.  It is an interesting town that really has nothing to do with the dark inky beverage of the same name.  My parents rarely drank wine.  They preferred drinks like whisky sour, Tom Collins and liquors you mix with soft drinks.  I never really enjoyed these.  If I want my drink to taste like cola, I’ll just have a cola.  I like beer okay, but it has never quenched my thirst.  I could ... Read More »]]> My Passion For Wine

An Average American Entrepreneur’s Wine Manifesto

By Mick Harrison

I was brought up in the small Midwestern town of Coffeyville, Kansas.  It is an interesting town that really has nothing to do with the dark inky beverage of the same name.  My parents rarely drank wine.  They preferred drinks like whisky sour, Tom Collins and liquors you mix with soft drinks.  I never really enjoyed these.  If I want my drink to taste like cola, I’ll just have a cola.  I like beer okay, but it has never quenched my thirst.  I could always do better with water, lemonade and eventually Gatorade.  In college I tried White Russians, then Black Russians and fancy brandies.  They just didn’t do it for me.

It wasn’t until I got out of college that I dabbled in Riunite Lambrusco and Martini and Rossi Asti Spumante, but I could take them or leave them.  And then it happened.  I was working for a major oil company in 1979 when I first tried it.  Business had been very good that year and profits had soared.   I was invited to a sophisticated steak dinner at a 4-star restaurant, and the main beverage was 1976 Robert Mondavi Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. Dozens of bottles of Mondavi were opened.  Not a drop went to waste.  I had never tasted anything so extraordinary.  It was wet and dry in the same mouthful.  It was leather and sautéed mushrooms with a hint of mineral, violets, cassis and chocolate, plus layers of ripe oaky blackberry all rolled up into one delectable nectar of the Gods.  Okay, maybe the sautéed mushrooms were a stretch.  That night I fell in love with Cabernet Sauvignon as only Robert Mondavi could produce it.

In the 1980s I started frequenting a local liquor store that sold fine wine.  The proprietor turned me on to Far Niente, Cakebread and Grgich Cabernets.  They all sold for around $20 a bottle then.  I didn’t know how good I had it, for these are still some of my all-time favorites, but the prices have increased substantially.  If only I could go back in time when I’m thirsty.

I continued to try various wines for many years. In 1997 I traveled to Napa Valley.  I toured and tasted at Far Niente, Jarvis, Honig, Grgich, Beringer, BV, and several more. I had a personal tour of Far Niente by Gil Nichol before he passed away.  His car collection was very cool.  I walked through the vineyards at Honig with Michael and explored the caves at Jarvis.

I was certain that Batman and Willy Wonka were alive and living in Napa Valley that year.  Gil Nichol was Batman with his exotic car collection and cellar that connected the Far Niente Chateau to the steps leading up to where his new house would be built.  I walked away from the Far Niente tasting with a complimentary 750-ml bottle of Dolche late harvest wine.  It was sweet, liquid gold, and I enjoyed every ounce of it.  William Jarvis was Willie Wonka with the subterranean stream that flowed out of the top of the Jarvis caves into a clear pool of water that I assumed helped humidify the entire operation.  It was simply amazing as was the Jarvis Crystal Ballroom with gigantic amethyst and quartz crystals from around the world.

We found the rest of the superheros at Honig with marvelous Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet Sauvignon, and their fun-loving postcards.  That was 12 years ago, and I remember the vineyards and beautiful gardens at Far Niente like it was yesterday. I recall the taste of the wine right from the stainless-steel fermenting vats at Honig, and I’m still overjoyed to find several bottles of Jarvis Lake William under the tree on Christmas morning.

Two years ago my wife and I built an outdoor kitchen.  It is definitely the nicest room in our house.  It’s kind of crazy that it’s outside, but we love it.  It has everything you’d want in an outdoor kitchen, including a crab boil pit, refrigerator, sink, and stainless steel gas and charcoal grills.  We’ve had several wine tastings there.  If you get to know the local wine representatives at your favorite wine store, occasionally you can score a great wine tasting by a very informed wine person and they will bring the wine for free.  It’s loads of fun, and I can’t think of how to spend a better Saturday evening with friends and family.

Recently we built a wine room, and we did it on a budget.  It’s probably more of a wine closet than a full-fledged room.  Little did I know that a 300-bottle collection would cost thousands of dollars to stock or about ten times what it cost to build and refrigerate the room.  The coolest part is the biometric finger-print entry lock.  I purchased a small safe with a finger-print entry system, cut off the metal door of the safe and mounted it on the door of my wine room.

My wine room is my sanctuary.  I run my finger print through the lock and pull on the door.  The floor is smooth black slate, and I get a cool burst of air as I walk through the doorway.  The light scent of cedar fills my lungs as all woodwork and trim are made from my favorite aromatic wood.  The first thing I see is a colorful Monet print that is perfectly enclosed by cedar shelves with various areas for full case storage.  To each side there are wooden racks for about 100 bottles of wine – red to the left and the center and white to the right.  I pull a bottle of Stags Leap Merlot from the rack.  It’s as regal looking as it was in the 70s when the Stags Leap name helped put Napa on the map.  I know the elixir of life awaits within. I run my hands over the bottle like I am caressing the curves of a beautiful woman.   It is the spice of life that I enjoy most.

I update the inventory of my wine room periodically and have done so today.  I keep an inventory list inside the door of the wine room and inside the door to a kitchen cabinet so I can think about what I might drink tomorrow without the need of swiping my finger across a laser beam.

Here’s the kicker, my wine room is located in an oversized closet in my 3-car garage.  Before I would even consider putting the wine room out there, I first had to completely redecorate the garage and throw away more than half of the contents.  It took a month of cleaning, painting and cabinet building.  I even painted the garage floor using epoxy with multicolored flakes and bought a new stainless-steel refrigerator to make it look more like an extension of the kitchen than a place to store what you can’t take into the house.  Everything in the garage now has a place and when you walk to the wine room, it’s like walking through a pristine playroom with a few cars and bikes parked in it.  I installed a remote thermometer in the wine room, and although I don’t go into my special room every day, I do see the temperature there every time I walk into my house via a wall-mounted readout.  It’s very reassuring to see the temperature somewhere between 55 and 60 degrees on a hot summer day.

I’m thinking I should make some recommendations here.  For $12 a bottle it’s hard to beat the current vintage of Chateau St. Michelle or Columbia Crest Grand Estates Chardonnay.  I understand they are under the same ownership nowadays.  We’ve even put some vintage Columbia Crest Grand Estates Chardonnay back for later.  The 2005 and 2006 vintages are exceptional, and I have a case of each.  The 2007 Chateau Montelena Chardonnay is extraordinary, but there is a shortage around here since the movie Bottle Shock was released.  The price went up too, and is now around $45/bottle, but this is still one of the most consistently exceptional Chards on the market.  I’m also a Robert Mondavi and Jordan Chardonnay fan. And to give the French their due, we purchased a case of 2007 Fat Bastard Chardonnay recently and enjoyed it very much.  We’ve delved a little into Viogniers, sparkling wines and various other whites, but I’d have to say that I still prefer Chardonnay if I’m drinking white wine.

I prefer red wine, which I refer to as the grand spice of life.  I’ve been enjoying the 2007 McManis and the 2005 Guenoc Petite Sirahs.  Both are exceptional values with McManis coming in at less than $10 per bottle and Guenoc coming in at about $13 per bottle.  When I want to step it up a little I have been enjoying 2006 Educated Guess Cabernet Sauvignon, 2006 Bogle Phantom, 2005 Dynamite Merlot,  2002 St. Supery Merlot or an old standard, 2005 Robert Mondavi Merlot.  If I’m going to pull out the stops and serve the best from my wine room then I’m into the Jarvis, Pine Ridge, Stags Leap, Freemark Abby, Frogs Leap, Mollydooker or Jordan reds.  And whether it is Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Zinfandel, Malbec, Shiraz or Petite Sirah, the experience is similar; watch it decant for 30 minutes, capture the various scents evolving off the deep red elegance then let a myriad of ripe berries, spices, seasoned wood flavors, sweet violets, coffee, leather or black licorice explode in your mouth with a final relaxing, “Ahhh.”

I find Bogle Phantom to be an exceptional wine for a reasonable price.  The current 2006 vintage sells for around $20/bottle.  Everything about this wine is mysterious, from its combination of three varietals, Old Vine Zinfandel, Petite Sirah and Old Vine Mourvedre to the definition on the cork, “bogle [Scottish origin] a friendly spirit; a phantom.”  This is a wine that definitely has to be decanted.  Straight from the bottle it exhibits a tangy nose and musky taste, but let it breathe and develop for 30 minutes to two hours and it will astound you with its bold aromas, explosive flavors and buttery velvet mouth feel.  It goes on to reveal intense black fruit, vanilla, cloves, figs and anise with a hint of leather on an extensive finish.

Three years ago I purchased at least half a dozen cases of Australia’s Jacob’s Creek Reserve Shiraz.  It had an awesome nose, it drank well and was inexpensive at $12/bottle.  If you like inky wine this is the one for you.  It was in such demand that the last case I purchased had the words, “Outback Steakhouse” printed on the box. I need to revisit this wine.  I’ve seen it priced recently for about $13/bottle for the 2006 vintage.

For the deal of the century I would have to look to Columbia Crest.  I still have 23 – 750 ml bottles and 6 – 1500 ml bottles of 2003 Columbia Crest Two Vines Merlot. This is their lowest tier wine, and I understand it is mass produced, but it has aged very well.  I bought all I could find at less than $10 per bottle, and I received an additional 10% off for case pricing.  The 2003 Columbia Crest Two Vines Merlot has an awesome nose with lots of spice and all the vanilla, cocoa and ripe cherry and berries you can savor with a lingering hint of chocolate on a smooth finish.  I highly recommend you buy all that you can find.

When anyone in my family, among my friends or at work has a question about wine they usually come to me.  A young man at work in his late 20s came to my office in a panic before Christmas last year.  He had purchased some expensive red wines for his father-in-law and had left them in his car in the garage overnight.  He was concerned they might have been ruined.  I told him as long as the wine hadn’t crystallized and frozen I thought it would be okay.  He didn’t think the wine had gotten that cold.  I told him I was confident the wine was still good.  He gave it to his father-in-law and I hear that the nose, taste and mouth-feel were as expected.

I’m a wine lover just like you.  I certainly don’t know everything about wine.  There are thousands of wines that I have never tried.  But, I know what I like, and I think the Aussie’s, Californians, and most of the visionaries in Washington State are making some great wines.  Wine is my greatest passion.  Some of the best moments of my life have been centered around wine with family and friends.  Here’s to the best in all of us and here’s to your next glass of white or red wine.  Salute!

© 2009 by Mick Harrison

Mick Harrison has a degree in engineering, but it’s life experience that he values the most.  He’s the former president of the Hasty-Bake Barbecue Grill Company and has sold barbecue grills to Tom Brokaw, former President George Bush, Sr., and Whoopi Goldberg.  He’s savored chicken wings in Kansas City with Rich Davis, dined on sautéed scallops at Scomas in San Francisco and has enjoyed many good meals accompanied by fine wine in New York.

He has bought and divested three companies, drilled over 50 oil wells, flown a sailplane hundreds of times, and stood at attention while he was awarded a 1^st Degree Black Belt at age 45.  He’s also written many articles for Quality Digest Magazine and has published a book on personal and business effectiveness titled, Banana Thinking.
Through it all he has developed a great appreciation for wine at a reasonable price. Mick rarely spends more than $100/bottle for wine and says he can often find an awesome bottle for less than $30; however, the prize is finding a $10 wine that satisfies his palate. He prefers red wine from Napa Valley, but also loves wines from Washington State, Australia, Chile, Argentina, and Spain. At this moment his favorite wine is Jarvis Lake William 2001.

Photo Credit © Wksp | Dreamstime.com Photo Credit© Kitchner Bain | Dreamstime.com

“I have always loved fashion,” says Debbie Vinyard, owner of Happy First boutique. “I used to spend hours doodling and drawing clothes. I grew up mostly in Dallas (originally from New York). I had a neighbor who had a ... Read More »]]> Long before it was a company, “Happy First” was a simple greeting conceived by a woman named Debbie Vinyard. It was her way of celebrating: the first day of every month, the first big milestones in life, the first moments of living each day. As a Hodgkin’s Disease survivor, she relied on happiness as both ally and antidote throughout her fight against cancer.

“I have always loved fashion,” says Debbie Vinyard, owner of Happy First boutique. “I used to spend hours doodling and drawing clothes. I grew up mostly in Dallas (originally from New York). I had a neighbor who had a showroom at Dallas apparel mart so in high school I would help her with her showroom and just loved the whole Dallas market atmosphere. I went to the University of Oklahoma pursuing fashion illustration, but somehow ended up in accounting! (We had a really cute accounting 1 teacher that made it really fun to learn if you can believe that). I was good at numbers and math and changed majors for more money. In fashion classes I felt like we had to draw a certain way and it wasn’t as creative as I wanted. Now I always say to people ‘find your passion and pursue it’-I think I forgot this for awhile thinking I wouldn’t make as much money. I think a lot of people in their life aren’t really doing what they want to do because they are afraid to take a chance. Our logo – the egg, represents breaking out of your shell (I believe everyone has creativity of some sort inside and need to burst out of their shell!) and it also represents new beginnings. (We can always start anew, after cancer, a breakup, whatever-every day is a new day).”

“I met my husband, Randy at OU-he is my best friend and biggest supporter. We got married after college and have been married 25 years! After college I did the big 8 accounting thing-worked for Arthur Young for 4 years. It was great experience, I now can do my own books, but it was not for me. After that I went into private industry-worked in the corporate tax dept of the Williams Companies. Great people to work with, still not my passion. We were in our late 20′s, no kids yet, and we decided to partner with some friends and opened up a retail aerobic clothing store-called Bodygear- located next to a Jazzercise in Tulsa, OK. I still kept my full time accounting job, worked weekends and did the books. Our friends quit their jobs and worked it full time. It was a great learning experience. After almost 2 years, we pulled out, our friends wanted to expand into another store and we didn’t want to put more money into it. We left on great terms though.”

“After I had my first son I worked part time at Williams for about a year. Then I decided to be a stay at home mom. My second son was born 3 1/2 years later. When he was just 6 weeks old I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma (I had felt a lump on my neck). The doctors were optimistic from the start-said that Hodgkins was now very curable. I went through 6 weeks of chemotherapy and 6 weeks of radiation. I was glad my kids were so little because I was so busy with them I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I felt like I was going through it for a reason. I felt like God had a plan for me. My faith was really strengthened through all of this. I saw how many blessings I had around me-my family and friends were always there for me. My diagnosis and treatment were in 1995.”

“Fast forward to about 2005. I had been doing creative things on the side like partnering on a booth at a decorator mall (we sold home decor items),embroidery (personalizing baby bibs, etc) and designing notecards. Then one day we were with my sister and brother-in-law and I was telling them I wanted to do some greeting cards that said “Happy first”-like Happy October First, Happy November First, just celebrating the first of the month. It was something I had been saying for a long time on the first of the month and I wanted to spread encouragement and cheer and hope. My brother-in-law owns an ad agency, Firehouse www.firehouseagency.com in Dallas, TX and said he thought I was onto something. We got with his awesome creative team and Happy First was born. We came up with our egg logo, trademarked it, and started out as an online site (launched may 2007).We started out with tee shirts and hoodies.  Then I realized that people needed to hear my message and see my clothing in person. So I started going to the apparel and gift markets to reach the spas and boutiques and also the fall festivals (like the Junior League shows, local Christmas bazaars) to reach people. People love how my clothes fit and feel and they love the message and cause. Then we expanded into a baby and a spa (yoga or fitness) line. Last month we added candles and sterling silver jewelry.”

“My hope is that people will seize the day and be grateful for their life and do something with their life. I think everyone would be happier if they did what they loved to do! Sometimes it takes a while to find that and to take the risk. Life is so exciting! I wanted to give back to leukemia and lymphoma research-because if not for the research, I wouldn’t be alive today. So that is our cause. After we started the planning of Happy First, my dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, also in the leukemia and lymphoma family. He passed away 19 months later in September 2007. His diagnosis reaffirmed that this is my cause!”

“I spread the word with my monthly email list. Every first of the month they get an ecard and somewhat of a newsletter. People can pass the ecard on to friends and family for free. We also have some other fun free ecards on the site and free downloadable wallpaper. ( http://www.happyfirst.com/love.html )I am starting to focus on spreading the word through social media- we have a facebook page- happy first and twitter- happyfirst . I am working on getting a blog going-I want people to write in and participate and share their stories. I love hearing of people’s victories, hopes and dreams and want people to share and encourage one another.”

Visit http://www.happyfirst.com.  Tulsa, Oklahoma