Chic Galleria » marriage

Get Married this Year: 365 Days to “I Do”

Rithanie Gonzales — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 17:55:02 +0000

The Proven Program Trusted by Thousands of Happy Couples — Now in Print!

Forget waiting for Mr. Right! You can go out and find “The One” yourself when you follow the Get Married This Year plan. Celebrated relationship expert Dr. Janet Blair Page has distilled the very best of her acclaimed dating class at Emory University — the one covered by CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show – into this one-of-a-kind book. She’s helped bring thousands of singles true love — and now it’s your turn!

Your To-Do List This Year:
Today: Get to know yourself.
Next Month: Figure out what you really want from your man.
Month 3: Learn how to get out of your own way.
Month 6: Take the field and find the right guy.
Month 10: Make the big decision.
Month 12: Get Married!

The Power is yours — and with Dr. Page’s guidance, you’ll use that power to meet and marry your Perfect Guy. From designing the ultimate Spouse Shopping List to getting the right guy to commit, this tried-and-true method gives you the blueprint you need to take charge of your love life and find love that can last a lifetime — in only 12 months or less!

Tell us a little more about yourself and your background.

My writing is based on my knowledge of the thousands of students and clients that I’ve known in the last 22 years of teaching and 30 years of private practice in NYC and Atlanta and my own experiences thrown in as well. Having been both widowed and divorced, I’ve re-married and re-married, and stayed mostly very active when I was single with a few deserts in there as well. I believe I’ve heard or lived about every possible variation on the subject of finding a dream mate. I can be terrible at following my own advice and know I’ve broken every rule so am well aware that not following the action plan I’ve proscribed leads to a dead end or worse. But it seems only fair that I am my own guinea pig. It does work.It is tough out there but it can be fun too particularly if you feel you are winning. With this book, I had the opportunity to reach and help far more singles than has been possible through my practice, teaching, and speaking and have been thrilled with it’s reception.

What inspired you to write a book on getting married? Has any of your personal experiences affect you writing your book?

In 1984, I started teaching a course at Emory University in Atlanta called “Before a Year Is Over, I’ll Be Married,” which was a hit from the beginning. The way people meet and date has changed drastically over the last three decades, but the problems haven’t changed at all: single men and women feel like they’re not meeting enough eligible people, or if they are, they keep facing the same relationship love blocks over and over again. As psychotherapist — divorced, widowed, and remarried myself — I was able to empathize. I have personally been on the same path and have my own backlog of bloopers but I’ve also experienced the joys of a good marriage, and it’s the most wonderful way I can think to spend a life. This book offers the experience I have gathered. I wrote it in hopes that more singles can learn from the mistakes my clients, students, and I have made before they make their own and will be able to use it to find a happy, healthy, and lasting relationship with the mate of their dreams.

Tell us more about your dating class at Emory University.

I’ve seen three big changes in the class as the years have gone by. My student population diversified, with larger numbers of gay and lesbian participants, minorities, and newly single students in their fifties and sixties. I find this tremendously rewarding because the principles in my program can definitely be used in gay relationships and you are never too old for love. Also, the men in the class have become more and more open and vocal about their own difficulties in finding a mate. From listening to my male students and clients, I’ve gained a 30-year insider’s view of what men really feel about women, what they like and hate about dating, and what they need from and are willing to put into commitment. By now, I might have more mental locker room time than most men on the street. I’ve concluded that women tend to box men into fear-based stereotypes instead of going for the truth. I tried to help women understand those stereotypes and let them in on what men are really thinking. I tried to re-direct everyone’s thinking toward “hope is not a strategy”, “a date is not a confession booth”, “de-cluttering a love life by getting rid of deadwood is essential”, “flirting is mandatory”, and “whatever bait you used to catch your mate has to be kept on that hook forever”.

What is your number one piece of advice to give to people seeking “The One”?

The first step is self-assessment, recognizing negative traits — over-analyzing, self-pity, resentment — these attitudes and behaviors make it harder to live with one’s self and can scare off potential partners. A quick return to positivism may be a single’s most important asset. Trading in negativity for positivity is huge and has to happen for someone to believe in themselves as attractive and desirable. The reasoning behind this is simple. Confidence is sexy and if you don’t know who you are, you will have trouble selling yourself as a product. You’ll lack credibility and seem untrustworthy. Lack of confidence also causes an underestimation of your own market value. Attitude and effort are more important than natural good looks because feeling powerful is feeling attractive. And people who feel attractive attract.

Another pressing reason for positive self-regard is that many times people choose someone whose self-esteem matches their own. So if their self-worth isn’t very high, they choose a partner with low self-worth and most people don’t want to marry into a group therapy unit. Another danger is that with low self-worth matches is that they are possible mates now but won’t fit if either one of them gains self-esteem or self-worth in the future!

Have you gotten letters from readers who have found Mr. Perfect because of your book? If so, please share a couple love stories.

One of my alumni, Steve, a 37-year-old children’s book author, looked like central casting’s idea of a bad date. He was 6’4″ and so skinny it looked like a high wind could blow him away. He wore a rumpled shirt, garish tie, old jeans and a windbreaker, and exuded the rather frightening notion that he would actually go out on a date dressed that way. Not high market appeal ad he was shy but “good guy” was written all over him. Steve came to class courtesy of his mother who had given him a care package containing my class, as well as enrollment in a dating service, and a gift certificate for a nice department store (specifying that it was only good in the men’s department, not the electronics section). On top of the gift box in large letters, his mother had written, “I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!” Subtle woman, but she got him there.

By the end of the last class Steve had transformed his look and the way he presented himself. He had committed himself to being truly open to meeting new women. Afterwards three women encircled him to talk but a forth cut through and asked him to go have a cup of coffee then and there and now they’re married.

Another alumna, Linda, a lovely 54-year-old widow with a beautiful smile, came to class because her son had put a registration slip in the toe of her Christmas stocking with a note that said, “Now you can take care of this before Valentine’s Day. Dad would have wanted you to give some other lucky guy a chance.” She was still grieving but also afraid to start over. Not having had a date in 30 years, she felt very shaky about her ability to compete or face rejection. Linda worked with me individually to finish the major part of her anger and pain about losing the man who was her life’s center and to re-gain a concept of herself as an individual.

Now married to a widower who blends beautifully with her large family and keeps an even bigger smile on her face, she told me the class was one of the best gifts she’s ever received. I couldn’t ask for a better endorsement!

Anything else you would like to say to your future readers?

Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy. Singles sabotage themselves without even knowing it. Humans have an amazing capacity for creative avoidance. I’ve seenamoro-phobics and commitment-phobics dig some really deep holes for themselves using everything from an obnoxious demeanor to homeless person couture for first dates. Then they doubt their ability to find, create and maintain loving relationships and it’s because they’ve been getting in their own way! The most common reason for not getting what you say that you want is simple ambivalence. Many claim they want a lifelong mate but are giving a perfect impersonation of someone actively working hard to stay single. It’s important to determine if you truly want a dream mate or a dead end before you start “trying”.

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She teaches at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
For more information please visit http://drjanetpage.com/

“Mr. Oklahoma” – The Man Behind The Woman

Lauri Rottmayer — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 07:01:29 +0000

We’ve all heard variations of the quote, “Behind every successful man is a woman”. Let’s take that quote, flip it, and talk about the men behind the successful women.

Here in Oklahoma, we fondly call the husband of Mrs. Oklahoma, “Mr. Oklahoma”. Because the Mrs. International system is very family centered, we love our Mr. Oklahomas and the part they play in the year of each Mrs. Oklahoma.

He’s usually the strong silent type and while we hear a lot from Mrs. Oklahoma through the year, we never hear much from Mr. Oklahoma. So what does he think? What’s it like to be the man behind Mrs. Oklahoma?

Mr. Oklahoma 2007, Teddy Good, with his wife, Brooke

Mr. Oklahoma 2007, Teddy Good, encouraged his wife, Brooke, to compete for the title. “We had just had our two boys back to back,” said Good “and she was spending her days revolving herself around us so much that I felt she needed to find herself again aside from being a great wife and mother.”

Good said he learned many things about Brooke through the process all of which made him realize just how amazing she is. ”The thing that really sticks out to me is not a new found trait,” he said “but something that I couldn’t get over every time I saw her put on the crown and that is how humble she is.”

“Never once did she put on the crown and think she was better than anyone or deserved the crown above anyone else. Even when she spoke to the kids at the girls home, she removed her crown and told them ‘I am just like you. If I can do this, then you can be anything you want to be.’ That is something that humbles me still today,” he said.

Mr. Oklahoma 2009, Clint Roberts, crowns his wife, Rachel.

All of the contestants in the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant are escorted by their husbands in the evening gown competition. Clint Roberts, Mr. Oklahoma 2009, was a little nervous about escorting his wife, Rachel, on stage. “But I was proud that she had this goal and was doing her best to achieve it.”

Roberts was impressed by Rachel’s ability to speak to groups, something that Mrs. Oklahoma does quite a bit. “I don’t know if it changed,” he said “but it was the first time I noticed how good she is at speaking in public.”

After she is crowned Mrs. Oklahoma, the new queen heads to Chicago to compete for the title of Mrs. International. Just like he was at the state pageant, Mr. Oklahoma is there with his wife to escort her on the stage in the evening gown competition.

Mr. Oklahoma, Tony Ducato, and his wife, Heidi

The experience in Chicago is exciting for everyone. The best part of the Chicago trip, according to Mr. Oklahoma 2010 Tony Ducato, is feeling the unbelievable amount of support from family as well as perfect strangers. “There was so much love and excitement that weekend,” he says. ”Nicholas, our 6 year old, was the perfect barometer. It was so awesome to watch how proud he was to see Heidi during the pageant. He cheered and was ecstatic to see her on stage and so crushed for her when she didn’t win.”

Ducato adds that it’s rare for any adult to have an opportunity to compete on stage and that it was so incredible to see his wife on the stage doing such an awesome job. ”We were all so proud of her!”

With the family focus of the pageant, Mr. Oklahoma is encouraged to accompany his wife on her appearances. ”My favorite part of being Mr. Oklahoma was getting to go with Brooke to all of her appearances,” said Good. “I got to stand back and watch as people were starting to see my wife as the beautiful woman I already knew she was inside and out. We were able to do so many events together that I feel it even brought us closer in our marriage.” Good says that trying to decide what the best part of being Mr. Oklahoma was is hard because they are still receiving opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible if Brooke hadn’t been Mrs. Oklahoma.

Hands down, seeing Mrs. Oklahoma in “The Zone” is Ducato’s favorite part of being Mr. Oklahoma. “The crown and sash are on, she’s absolutely gorgeous, but somehow she is still the incredible down to earth woman that I fell in love with,” he says. “Whether she is on stage, speaking in public or working a crowd she’s flawless. Her feet might hurt, she may not feel well and probably hasn’t eaten all day, but she is still smiling infectiously and speaking from the heart. She takes time to speak with everyone and answers every question with enthusiasm. She really makes me feel so fortunate to be Mr. Oklahoma.”

Mrs. Oklahoma’s year is full of appearances, the National pageant, and working on her platform. After the breakneck pace of the year, it’s over all too soon. For men whose wives are considering entering the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant, our Mr. Oklahomas have some words of wisdom that all share a common theme.

Good advises to have patience and understanding. “Be willing to hold her gown for her and open the door as she rushes to each appearance. Always be supportive and keep a smile on your face and tell her you are proud of her. And last, but certainly not least, make sure she knows that no matter what the outcome of the pageant is, that at the end of it all, SHE is still your QUEEN!”

Roberts also recommends being supportive. “You may think the pageant thing is different but it is something she is excited about and working hard for. No matter how you feel about it, support her. You should be very proud of everything your wife is doing for others. It is a wonderful thing to see.”

Finally, Ducato suggests saying “yes”. “It will not always be easy,” he says, “but the best thing to do is to support her throughout the entire experience. Help her make the most of it by being there and saying yes. Don’t let her worry about your feelings; instead enable her to be her very best by supporting her unconditionally!”

Loving, encouraging and proud describe the men who have held the title of Mr. Oklahoma. Men we are blessed to call family.

Lauri Rottmayer is the Executive Director of the Mrs. Oklahoma International Pageant. Beginning 23 years ago, Mrs. International was developed to have higher standards than other pageant systems. The very first woman to wear the Mrs. International crown, was Rhonda Berglan of Oklahoma. The focus behind Mrs. Oklahoma International is to showcase women 21 to 56 years old, married at least six months and a resident of the state. Each contestant competes in Interview Competition, which is valued for 50% of her overall score, Evening Gown, valued for 25% and Fitness Wear for 25%. Each contestant has the opportunity to select a community service platform of her choice that she spends the year promoting. Husbands are a direct part of the show, escorting their wives in the Evening Gown competition, and the husband crowns his wife titleholder. You can learn more by visiting the Mrs. Oklahoma International and Mrs. International Pageant webites.

Diet, Exercise, and Love: Find What’s Right For You!

Rea Frey — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 07:01:36 +0000

We strive so hard to do the right thing, get the right job, wear the right clothes, or meet the right person that it sometimes feels like we are living someone else’s life. We are in an era where if we choose one thing, we are afraid all other options might disappear. Get married, and you’ll never be intimate with anyone ever again. Have a baby, and lose out on your dreams. Take the corporate job with the big check, and lose a little bit of your soul. Get a killer body, but give up every single thing you love to eat. As I ponder these things (having fallen prey to them myself), I must ask: Who says?

Most of these questions are based on fear: fear of the unknown, fear of missing out, fear of making the wrong decision. Where is the unwritten rule that says by choosing one thing, all others disappear? Let’s take marriage for instance. There are endless jokes about marriage and billions of divorces to prove how “miserable” some people are. It is assumed if you get married, that you are on lock-down, that you will get bored, or that life will inevitably become stale and boring. Just because some people have experienced this does not mean that you will too. But there’s that fear… “If I get married, there’s a chance it won’t work out.” And the “what ifs” start piling up. It happens with money, with family, with everything. “I must have security!” you say. “Security!” Security means paper, which means money. And while money provides a sense of freedom, it’s not worth doing something you abhor. Life’s not about “doing what you have to do” to make ends meet. That’s simply what we’ve decided it’s about. And perhaps it’s time to change.

It seems we often look to outside sources for the way things will/are supposed to be before we even decide for ourselves what we want to do or be. Your mother, father, teachers, mentors or friends can’t tell you what you should be doing. Just because you’re 35 doesn’t mean you have to have a husband, a steady paycheck, a mortgage and 2.5 kids. That’s the beauty of this world – we can do whatever we want. We can start over, move away, re-ignite a passion and put happiness above what looks good. This can be somewhat of a singular path… and some people won’t quit a bad job, end a relationship or travel if they don’t have support behind them. Here’s some advice: support yourself.

Whatever it is that you do, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Examine and re-examine your life and what’s in it. Make changes. Take risks. It’s what life is all about.

Diet: In terms of the things you eat, you can’t set yourself up for a “diet” mentality. So many people ask: “What works?” What works is whatever works for you. The way food affects your body is a science. Just because I’ve found what works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you. But, there are some tried and true facts. Eat whole foods. Limit processed foods. Drink plenty of water. Exercise. It’s about making smarter choices more often and substituting crap with healthier foods. There’s no quick fix, no diet pill, no book or recipe that will work for you forever. It’s about finding out what you can live with while still living your life. Don’t take anything away. Just modify. Find a solution to your problem and make it part of your routine, just like brushing your teeth.

Exercise: If you are lucky enough to have a job that keeps you moving all day, then you are a step ahead. If these were different times and we actually had to get up to change the TV channel, or take stairs instead of the elevator and weren’t confined to our chairs, then we would be a lot healthier. If you added up all the hours of your life you have either been horizontal or confined to a chair, it would astonish you. You have to find activities that you love and the time when you love to do them. If you hate the gym, don’t go to the gym. Again, eating right and exercise should be about pleasure. Find something that you love and find ways to make it part of your daily routine.

Love: Perhaps the trickiest and most fluid occurrence in life is love. Love can start out fierce and fizzle, or creep up slowly and ignite, or end tragically, or cause bad decisions or an unbearable loss, or a happy ending/beginning. Love is mandatory. Without it, we would perish. When it comes to your own relationships, you have to decide what it is you really want, and realize that there is no perfect person. I’ve said it before, but you can’t and won’t get everything you need from one person, especially if you’re not self-satisfied in the first place. That being said, find someone who lets you be yourself, who makes you laugh, who you can simply be with. Don’t be concerned with what others think or constantly try to prove how great your mate is to the world. Be satisfied with what you have. If you’re not, then change it.

For the first time in my life, I am really happy with someone; it is a quiet happiness I have never known. I do not have to justify why we decided to get married, how I simply know this is the man I will grow old with, or how, after a few tumultuous relationships and many mistakes, I am completely and incredibly happy. It took a lot of self-evaluation, forgiveness and time alone before I could ever be open to wanting something real or lasting.

Start thinking about what it is you want and need in your life, and what you could do without. Each moment is precious. Don’t waste them. Got questions? I’m here!

Rea Frey is an author, personal trainer and nutrition expert. She writes about living a balanced life at www.reafrey.com and also runs a food blog at www.chicagonow.com/cleanconvenientcuisine. She is the Cheeky Life Coach for Cheeky Chicago and has 2 weekly columns: one for vegans and one for brides looking to have beautiful but inexpensive weddings. Her book, The Cheat Sheet: A Clue-by-Clue Guide to Finding Out if He’s Unfaithful (Adams Media) will be released this summer.

Feel Like a Newlywed – For Good!

Rea Frey — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 07:54:40 +0000

Standing in a dimly lit room on a brilliant Thursday evening, I have never felt so calm. Heat radiated through my body as I waited outside the double doors, the first notes of “Hallelujah” rushing through the small room of the Sofitel. The doors opened, and I saw his smiling face, his glittering eyes, and I felt my knees tremble beneath the soft layers of tulle. Moving forward in my Pronovias dress, past the small crowd we had assembled, I stood across from my groom and fell even deeper, harder, more madly in love.

The days to follow were unreal. Rereading vows, hotel rooms, room service, intensity, dancing… all with the single man I adore more than anyone. And I know, without a doubt, that I will always feel this way for this man. Perhaps people scoff at that fairy tale notion, but I simply know. Just as I’ve known that I always wanted to be a writer, or that Chicago would be my home someday, I simply know that our love will be the backbone of our relationship. Sure, there will be ebbs and flows and challenges, but I welcome them. Because our foundation is solid, and for the first and only time, I feel with my whole being what it means to love and be in love.

Relationships can be cynical things. In the beginning, you are deep in the throes of passion, of “falling” for all of the traits you adore about the other person. A few months go by, and the idiosyncrasies sink in, but you ignore them for hopes of a future together. So, you get engaged or married and let time wear you down. You assume that all couples fight (true), that the newness must fade (false) and you become annoyed, short-tempered and longing for something you had in the beginning of your relationship that seems lost or buried.

Guess what? Your relationship can be fabulous, regardless of stress, exhaustion or time. It is up to the both of you to dictate the terms of your union. Just because you are tired, stressed, exhausted, bored, depressed, etc., does not mean you can’t appreciate and get lost in your husband or wife. It’s not simply about reminding yourself why you are with your partner – you have to feel it too.

I used to be the queen of talking myself into feeling something for someone else. “We’ve been together so long,” I would say. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to be on my own.” “He’s not an asshole all the time.” I justified staying in an unhealthy relationship and let myself become depressed, consumed and overly comfortable with my daily life and miserable in my love life. It wasn’t until I got a divorce (with many mistakes along the way) and broke free that I began to see the beauty in the world again. I was allowed to be myself again, flaws and all.

And now, just a few years later, I am married to a man who sets my soul on fire. And it feels like the first time; the first time I have ever become a wife, the first time I take someone’s name, the first time I truly share a life with my partner and equal. I finally feel the way I have always dreamed. Each day, there is more passion, more feeling and more appreciation than the day before. Each day, we find the newness in each other. Of course, time will alter us, it will bring us gifts and hardships, but as these rings signify – we are simply choosing to work everything out together. We are choosing to go through the journey hand in hand.

So, if and when you find yourself worn down by time or frustrated, do the following:

1. Remember back to a specific day or time when you felt irrevocably in love. What were you doing? What were the circumstances? Were you just dating? Free of obligations? Try and recreate a night or situation that reminds you of those intense feelings. Play a familiar song, make a familiar meal… revive your senses.

2. Don’t set unrealistic expectations. In the beginning, we imagine our lives will always be filled with health and happiness. But, happiness sometimes falters, and our plans don’t always work out as we imagined. For instance, if you get married and want a child, but that doesn’t happen, couples can become obsessed with what they can’t or don’t have, and in turn, lose their connection with each other. Make sure that nothing can break you in your relationship. Make sure you’re with each other because you really like each other – not because you want a partner to raise kids with. Be with someone you can talk to, listen to, someone who complements your lifestyle.

3. Be intimate. Always be intimate. This can be through holding hands, kissing softly, rubbing your partner’s back, etc. Have a physical connection with your partner, and make sure you stay affectionate. In an instant, it can change how you feel about a situation and bring a sense of lightness and ease to your day.

4. Be generous. It’s so nice to surprise your partner with a gift, a handwritten letter, dinner, a trip, etc. Be spontaneous and think about what would make your partner feel good. Sometimes we focus on us – what we’re not getting, what he or she isn’t doing, or bad habits. Instead, focus on how you can make your partner feel good, and show them tiny tokens of appreciation along the way.

5. Play. Play. Joke. Laugh. Get in a wrestling match. Be goofy. Just because you’re an adult, doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time. A lot of times, we think just because we grow up, the fun is over. We have houses, kids, and money woes… but so what? We’re all kids at heart. Get on a swing. Skip. Chase your partner in a grocery store. Laugh. Tackle each other. Do something unexpected and fun.

Think about the small things you can do to make your relationship better, and remember to take it a day at a time.

Dancing with Drama: Stop Getting Into The Ring

Karlicia Lewis — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 07:30:15 +0000

It doesn’t matter how hard we try, sometimes it seems inevitable that drama will occur, whether it’s originated from our feelings or our exes’ feelings towards us. Just when you think you finally have control over your emotions, and can look past all the immature efforts your ex makes to try to get to you, all it takes is the wrong phrase or behavior to put you back at square one. Then boom, the drama begins.

It may seem obvious, but many don’t realize that your ex, especially if it’s a long term one, has been the closest to you at some point in your life. The one you shared you dreams, fears, insecurities, and all things personal with. Although you two didn’t work out, that person still know what ticks you off, what makes you smile, what makes you sad, and often times, when things aren’t going exactly their way, they will use that against you. Most use things like that against their former flame in order to maintain some sense of emotional control. They will say the things that draw you into an argument, so they can feel as if the feelings of lost control are transferred over to you. Let’s be honest, no one likes to see their ex losing feelings or moving on from them, when they still have feelings themselves.

So he’s saying a lot of things to you that hurt, telling you how someone may be better than you, how you don’t make him happy, how you get on his nerves, etc. Your reaction? Immediate defense, of course. We as women seem to automatically engage in that conversation, because whether they matter or not as much as they used to, we feel the need to defend our character. We refuse to believe that they really feel this way, or don’t understand why they would feel that way about us. This causes us to in a sense begin to convince our ex that we weren’t so bad, and sometimes this turns into a huge battle that could lead to way deeper topics.

Another problem other than defending ourselves tends to be our pride. Women like to be able to let our ex know that they’re missing out, and that it’s their loss, not ours. It seems, in our minds, like this is the perfect time to let them know how we feel, and that they won’t do any better than us. This method does not work. If you are such a great woman, it doesn’t have to be thrown out in arguments, and trust me, the ex already knows how great of a woman you are if that’s the case, whether he will admit or not. There is no need to degrade any new women or boast that he will never find another woman like you. Although it may not seem like it, you are still feeding into his plot to get you arguing, which demonstrates his control.

It’s time to start choosing your battles wisely. When an ex begins to pick with you, and say things that are hurtful, or even throw things in your face about his new love interests, be the bigger person, and learn to walk away. Some may not be strong enough to face their ex and say “I’m happy for you”, and some just may not sincerely feel that way yet. Walking away from drama serves great purpose. It will make you feel good, because you didn’t entertain nonsense, and also it will give your ex a message: ” I know what you’re trying to do, I’m over it, and I’m over you”. Silence speaks a thousand words, and this will allow you to keep control of your emotions, sanity, and allow you to have peace of mind. Don’t worry, you can always go home and curse and scream in the privacy of your own home. Stop stepping into the ring with drama. Focus less on negative things and the drama your ex is trying to bring into your life. It’ll be completely worth it in the end. Next time your ex says something hurtful, laugh it off, and let him know you don’t get into the ring with lightweights.

Karlicia Lewis is a wearer of many hats. Although she heads clothing company Couture Reign as CEO, she is also a mother of one, student, mental health counselor, and writer. She pens the blog “There’s no Crying in Love”, and is known for her Single Woman Examiner column and other blogs, including fashion related sites, such as her columns as the Fashion and Celebrity Style Examiner. With two relationship self-help books in the making, She is the go-to woman for encouragement, wisdom, relationship advice, and how to survive as the single woman. After a very challenging 8 year relationship, she now conquers life as The Single Woman, and seeks to empower women worldwide through her words, experiences, and insight into relationships,as well as life without them. To contact Karlicia, email her at AskKarlicia@yahoo.com.