Chic Galleria » communication

Blissful Communication with Your Kids

Editor — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 07:51:51 +0000

By Matthew Ferry

Being a parent is not easy. Your children want to express themselves in ways that is conflicting with your desires and the way that you want the house to run. Ultimately, we are challenged to experience bliss with our kids because we want our kids to do what we want them to do.

The problem is, they don’t really care. If you’re going to experience ridiculous bliss as a parent and with your kids, then you’re going to have to take responsibility as a parent. Your kids changing their behavior will not create bliss for you. Nothing external changes your internal state. Ultimately, the state of bliss can be permanently established by becoming more flexible in the way in which you deal with the world and our children.

Ridiculous bliss with your kids occurs through flexibility.

So, you must start with what I call The Game Changer Process. We want to change the game. You’ve been in a game and you didn’t even know it and, unless you become aware, you can’t change the game.

Step 1 in the Game Changer Process is Awareness. You must become aware of all the ways in which you are being dysfunctional. Sit down and make list, if you have a spouse let them help with the list.

Step 2 is Flexibility. As soon as you become aware of where the dysfunction lays it immediately creates flexibility in your life. Flexibility generates space between you and the dysfunction creating room for change and bliss to enter.

Step 3 is Options. Options are actions you decide to take to improve the dysfunction. For each dysfunction listed sit down and create a Positive Option’s List of the different actions you can take to improve the dysfunction.

Power is Step 4. Saying the word alone generates strength and control. When you have more options, you’ll feel powerful.

What stops us from feeling bliss and harmony and happiness are states of frustration and annoyance and anger. Frustration, annoyance and anger really stem from feeling powerless. Options are the key to feeling power.

With your kids, begin to notice that you are holding them accountable to agreements that they never made. You want your kids to be like you. Now, I know that you might say to yourself, Matthew, that’s not true. I want them to be whatever they want to be. I want you to know that that’s a lie. You innately, intuitively, instinctively want them to be like you. It is your nature. The drunk monkey, which is the little nickname that I have for all the talking in your head, is designed to keep you alive longer. The way that it does this is by it manipulates the environment to comply with what you think is safe. Your children occur to you as manipulatable like they are under your command and they should do what you want them to do. So, your natural inclination would be to have them do the things that you think would be best for them.

Now, I highly recommend this because, in the end, you have an implied relationship with your children to guide them in a direction that will be healthy, effective, and positive for them. But, that implied relationship gets in the way of your happiness. They don’t have to do it the way you want them to do it. They don’t have to operate the way that you want them to operate. They don’t have to. You would prefer if they did, but notice that your preferences don’t always get met. What stops you from feeling ridiculous bliss is that you interpret or you allow an automatic interpretation to be that this preference not being met is a threat. How do I know it’s a threat? Because you get agitated, frustrated, pissed off, mad. Those emotions represent a threat to the body. You only get those kinds of emotions when the body says we must get away from this or we must dominate it or attack it or change it.

It’s critical that you begin to understand that you’re holding your children accountable to agreements they never made and since they don’t know what they are, they’re going to behave however they want and then you get mad. You must step back and have this awareness. Have I actually asked them to change this behavior? In many cases, the answer is no. In some cases, the answer is yes. In the case in which they have agreed to change the behavior and now they’re not, then some sort of confrontation or accountability conversation is warranted. But anger and frustration and agitation are never warranted. They are always an indicator that the truth is not being revealed in that moment. The truth is, your children not doing what you want is not a threat to you and yet, you allow your physiology to operate like it is. When you notice yourself doing this (Awareness), you have instantly generated space (Flexibility) and you will being to realize that your body is reacting to things negatively (lets call them bliss suckers) that are NOT dangerous!

Take the next week ahead and take stock when these moments occur. And then take a half of a second to relax in that moment. You’ll begin to experience more happiness, more flow, more allowing, and more peace around your children. I believe that that will bring harmony to your whole family.

Matthew Ferry is a revealer, illuminator & awakener whose point of view creates instant transformation in people’s lives. Since 1993 he has personally coached more then 8000 people to breakthrough performance barriers and achieve unparalleled happiness and success. With tens of thousands of hours invested in the investigation of what causes a person to take the actions that will lead to success, Matthew has discovered a shocking truth; that happiness is the vital ingredient for creating success and not the result of achieving success.

For more information about Matthew please visit MatthewFerry.com, Facebook and Amazon.com.

Photo credit © Goldenkb | Dreamstime.com

Squash Office Gossip

Christie Ressel — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:01:46 +0000

It’s no secret that our places of employment can be not only a place of enjoyment, but one that can also inevitably lead to stress as well. As business individuals, we’re all constantly striving for our best, while competing with others that are also doing the same. Not only this, but most of us have deadlines to meet, and clients to interact – all of which are expected to be done with a smile and outstanding service.

But no matter how distinguished many business individuals claim themselves to be – there are so many businesses that succumb to the unfortunate mishaps of gossip towards their co-workers or boss. Funnily enough, although most people are involved in it, everyone is quick to point the finger to deflect any negative attention their way.

So why do we do it? Why carry on behaviour that rivals the behaviour of someone in elementary school?
Here are some things to consider before you decide to dive into nonsense conversation by the water cooler or via instant message:
1) The second you begin gossiping, you will instantly lose credibility and trust with your co-worker, boss, or client. They’ll wonder if you’ll discuss them in a similar fashion to someone else.

2) While you’re busy playing chatty Kathy, someone else in your department or another competing company is working harder to get ahead – and probably will succeed. Haven’t received a promotion or had a significant desired change in your career recently? It might be time to check how to you spend your office time.

3) Realistically, there will always be people that you don’t like working with. If you find you find the people in your job that awful – either learn to take the high road, or move on to a different business.

4) You are an adult. You are not in elementary school or in high-school. If you have a problem – confront it by talking to who you believe to be the source of the problem in a mature and professional manner. There is no need for childish behaviour. If confrontation is too difficult to do, I recommend seeking a coach that can help you with confidence. This may be an issue you need to deal with that will not only in your professional life, but your personal one also.

Keep the lines of communication open, strong, and honest in your life. Leave the gossip for the kids in the sandbox.
Warmest wishes,

Christie Ressel, International Image Consultant and Style Coach
Personal Power Image Consulting

*Christie is an image consultant and style coach that is regularly featured in the media and press across Canada and the USA. She runs, “Personal Power Image Consulting” where she helps women feel more chic, stylish, and confident through her stylish personal and online style services.

Photo Credit © Geotrac | Dreamstime.com

Should I Adjust My Communication Style for Electronics?

Jane Mudgett — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 07:10:01 +0000

I’m not always the best verbal communicator, but many people feel comfortable conversing with me. Years ago I realized that my bold Aries personality and my New York upbringing were not always viewed as a positive attribute when it came to well, interpersonal skills. So, I solicited help from communications books, and training. I attended the $100 day seminar for resolving conflict and how to communicate with your co-workers and employees and with each session I became more confused and yet a bit more adept too. I had numerous good role models and mentors, but the one that had the biggest influence was Deborah Tannen, PhD, Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University Tannen wrote the book, You Just Don’t Understand. Tannen, a linguist, author, professor, focused her second book on the subject of how men and women communicate. And since I had two older brothers and was at that time working exclusively with men (except the support staff), I thought this book would be interesting.

I scan my bookshelves and the yellowed paperback is still there – next to another one of her books, (her first, I think), That’s Not What I Meant. I open a page to something that I now understand (but when I read the book, I didn’t), the difference between men and women asking for help. I’m sure this triggers thoughts and real life examples of this up to and including, getting directions. Take a moment to think about status, knowledge and skills and connections and helping; now think about men and women and which gender connects with these adjectives. The point is not to pass judgment of right or wrong, simply observe traits that we have learned and observed, and made our own. Further, when men and women do not act according to their gender, it throws a real curve ball to us – I don’t mean in big ways, I mean in subtle ways. Ok, here’s an example, when you observe when listening, they often nod their heads and occasionally say, yes, or ok, uh huh; men, not so much. So with that one example could men misinterpret a women who is listening as a woman who is agreeing with him? Could a women be offended that a man is listening because he is not giving her acknowledgment cues? Absolutely. Enough comments to illustrate my interests and background and to let you know that I still recommend the books, although some of the examples used are outdated.

Sociologically speaking, I suspect some of her research has changed over the decades, yet so much of it is still, well, appropriate…up to a point. For example, tone of voice and body language USED to be more important than words themselves (it’s backed up by research.) BUT where does looking down at the phone while emailing come into play? OR, my friend who is listening intently to a problem I have until her phone rings and she says, she has to get it. Why was the call from the poodle parlor more important than me…and doesn’t she have voice mail on this phone. Could this really be a dog emergency?

In the new decade, I hope we all find a balance between the efficiency of mobile electronic interaction – phone, email,internet – and real personal interaction. I realize I’ve been trying to stay current because technology changes so quickly. I really like my phones and computers. Yet, I realized that my behavior was trying to keep up too – working while on vacation, talking on the phone in public places, and answering email when I was with friends. How often was I missing a current experience or existing friendship because of my Blackberry? So, I’m going back to the books to re-learn personal interaction skills. I’m reminded of the saying in the 1970′s, “Be Here Now” and think I’m going to try this more often in the new decade. I’m going to start by discovering the color of my friends eyes.

Photo Credit© Ron Chapple Studios | Dreamstime.com

Giveaway: Celebs Love Special Feelings Toy

Editor — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:45:40 +0000

Kimochis is a truly dynamic and innovative brand that is growing as we speak. A brand run by mom entrepreneurs! With an already strong following, even celebrities like Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stefani and Jennifer Garner can’t resist.

Plushy Feely Corp. has just released Kimochis {www.kimochis.com} … Toys with Feelings Inside. Awarded the Creative Child Magazine 2009 Seal of Excellence and Best Vacation Products by Dr. Toy.

Are you a Kimochi Cloud? A Kimochi Bug or Kimochi Huggtopus?

Kimochi (KEY.MO.CHEE) means “feeling” in Japanese and each 13 inch Kimochis character comes with 3 plush “feelings” and a how-to- Feel Guide with tips for parents on connecting with their kids during emotional moments. Feelings can be messy…Kimochis can help!

Kimochi’s goal is to create compelling stories and loveable characters that will build confidence and self-esteem in our children and serve to strengthen parent-child connections. The toys are for everyone and help with parent-child connections: children with autism to a child who wants to play, the adorable characters help children express their feelings more easily. Younger children can use Kimochis to learn to identify feelings while older children can use the Kimochi to work through communication challenges.

The stuffed toys are revolutionary in that they’re not just stuffed toys. Kimochis is helping kids learn to express their emotions in POSITIVE ways, in hopes of possibly helping to prevent future tragedies. They are meant to teach children and parents how to interact with each other and express themselves, developing their emotional intelligence with the Kimochis Feel Guide book – teaching parents on connecting with their kids during emotional moments. The bag of emotions (happy, sad, grumpy) allows the child to relate and easily express their emotions to their friends, parents , teachers – holding an emotion and describing what they’re feeling and why.

Now is the right time to invest in the emotional intelligence of our children. With Kimochi, all children and adults can relate to them and it opens the opportunity for communication and education.

Nina Rappaport-Rowan, Kimochis Founder and mompreneur, was struck with the horrible Columbine High School incident, thinking how could something like this have happened? It made her dig deep and question why. What is missing? What are we not doing right with our children that they can be so disconnect and so self destructive? This very thing was the inspiration that drove Nina to create the Kimochis. The goal is to get parents and kids talking to each other. Creating original children’s products and animated family entertainment, the company wants to create compelling stories and loveable characters that will build confidence and self-esteem in our children and serve to strengthen parent-child connections.

Nina was the perfect person to launch such an idea! She is a leader in the field of animation. Producer of the 1998 Academy Award winning Best Animated Short Film, Bunny, Nina is known for her expert knowledge of computer animation and her skill in developing teams that can tackle innovative and complex CG projects. She is primarily know as a Producer in the family entertainment industry overseeing children’s books, animated feature films and animated TV projects. She has other amazing moms on the Kimochi team, helping build the brand.

Nina and her team are reaching out to kids and families in hospital situations, for social workers, adoption and special needs. Kimochis is a toy for everyone with the added benefits!

Chic Galleria and Kimochi is excited to be giving away a Cloud character to 1 lucky Chic Galleria reader. Just leave a comment on this article and answer this question, “What is Cloud’s favorite color?” You will probably have to visit the website to find the answer! The winner will be chosen at random from those who leave a comment and the winner will be announced November 16, 2009. www.kimochis.com

Congratulations Kiley Smith!

Email Etiquette

Christie Ressel — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 02:45:47 +0000

E-mails, one of the many ways we now communicate to one another. They are sent worldwide to everyone we know all just with the simple click of a button. We send letters, notes, contracts, attachments, updates, jokes, and chain mails. It’s become more popular than the telephone in many ways. With tonality being taken out of the equation and being left with merely the words we type; it’s crucial to ensure you come across with warmth, etiquette and class. Do you know how you are perceived in your e-mails?

Like many business professionals, I receive an unlimited amount of e-mails every day. Time is of the essence so I can reply to everyone and give them the information they are looking for…sound familiar for the rest of you out there? But no one will ever be able to accuse me of being short or rude on my e-mails. Why? Because I personalize them. This is a crucial factor that so many people miss. There are so many electronic exchanges we all make with individuals we’ve never met before. I’m certainly no exception. However, I’m always appalled by individuals that are not only short, but curt in their e-mails. Not only this, but they have no sign off in their e-mail, and simply place their name. It’s one thing to be to the point; but it’s another to be rude. With face to face interaction missing from e-mails, it’s difficult to determine someone’s intent and tone in an e-mail. Because of this, simple things like signature’s and sign offs are important. There are many different ones you can use, “Warmest wishes”, “Best”, “Warmly”, “Cheers”, “All the best”, “Sincerely”, “Best regards”, and the list goes on endlessly. Each sign off will say something different about you, so pick wisely. This goes hand in hand with your writing style. Do not use capital letters in an email message; it comes across as shouting and aggressive.

When sending e-mails, it’s also important to address the person you’re mailing, rather than just beginning your reply or message. Remember, people want the personal touch. This includes getting the individuals name right. There are countless times I’ve sent e-mails to people where their reply begins with “Christine” (or something similar) rather than my actually name, Christie. Pay attention to details.
Ensure that you have the subject box filled so the sender knows in what the mails regarding. This will help busy professionals prioritize what is sent to them. With that in mind, also be respectful of time; do not send email chain letters. They can automatically put the recipients on “junk email” lists. Something that often goes along with chain emails are people that use “cute backgrounds” for their e-mails. Plain and simple, it’s unprofessional; avoid it at all costs (unless you want to send it out in personal mails).

Who said that e-mails between professionals had to be stuffy? Don’t be afraid to show your warmth, personality and passion for what you do and for the person you’re communicating with. As Carl Beuchner once said, “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

Warmest wishes,