My friend and her boyfriend have been together for about four months, exclusive for two. This is the first trimester of new boy times and is usually the sweetest. Over lunch last week she confessed that things had become different. Her man who once seemed long-term worthy was now a bit of a downer. He was depressed, moody and slowly became absent.  About six weeks later they broke up. She was relieved to finally not have to deal with walking on eggshells anymore, and in all actuality wasn’t surprised. She read the warnings crystal clear, and ladies it is time to start doing so as well! Instead of staying in a bad relationship for too long, you can know the warning signs to pack your fancy bag and bounce.

How do you know your relationship has hit critical mass?

There is a time period right before a breakup that, if recognized could tell you bluntly that time’s up- and to start moving in a different direction.

If you have recently become single think back from now until about 2 ½ months ago. I will tell you the storm was brewing. I’ll bet he stopped seeing you as frequently. Used to hang out four nights a week and it’s been almost two weeks? Proximity to those who we are attracted to is so glaringly obvious. We are around the people we love and care about; we actually need to be with them. When you have less of a connection-even with certain friends-you do not physically surround yourself with them as much. If he was always by your side and now you’re making other plans, it may be time to talk.

Mr. Sarcastic turned into Mr. Snide? Those couples who pick fights with each other are literally time stamping their relationship. The reason being is the fact that the pseudo “play fights” are that they cover up a deeper annoyance. It just acts as a buffer to avoid a real deep argument. Picking fights is passive aggressive behaviour that hinders all communication- the glue, if you will. When I see couples do this it really just signifies to me that they can’t even ‘talk about it’ which doesn’t really bode well with the strength of their union.

Excuses, excuses. He can’t see you because he is at his sisters. His friend needs a lift. He is sick. He’s doing a buddy a favour. He has to work late. Whatever the case may be, everything under the sun is important to him-except you. Solid couples don’t use life as a means of avoiding each other. They are committed to the relationship and work their lives around it. Anyone who prefers tending to random situations as opposed to seeing you is not a good partner. Period.

The bottom line is that the key thing to look for when it comes to how healthy your relationship is to notice if the guy is around. He calls, he makes time for you, and he doesn’t have “better things to do.” If you are made to be a priority in this person’s life you will know it because they are excited to be beside you-in every way. If he is distant, cold and something just feels off, you may be in for some changes.  Granted, serious issues such as clinical depression and stress will alter your man’s personality, however the telltale sign is if he comes to you gungho to work through it-together. Operative word being together.  The push/ pull game died after college. You deserve to be with someone who wants your time. Talk to him. He may be relieved. You may be to.

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Stephanie Churma is a freelance writer with a focus on Sex and Relationships, Lifestyle and Personal Development. She lives in Toronto and can be contacted at stephaniechurma@hotmail.com

Tags: Breakups, love, men, relationships, sex