by John Wareham

Understand the nature of the “Asylum of Illicit Love”—then make the choice that’s right for you, says John Wareham, in this adaptation from his acclaimed, Sonnets for Sinners: Everything One Needs to Know About Illicit Love.

We all want love, but to steal it is to find oneself incarcerated within the Asylum of Illicit Love.

Inmates typically arrive as hopeful and delighted pairs, oblivious to the suffering ahead. The only way to find relief—and create lasting love—is to plot an escape, bearing in mind that every cell has four walls, a door, a lock and a key.

First, illicit lovers slam into the wall of Attraction.  Some enchanted evening, a stranger seems to morph into a soul-mate, and, suddenly, as Governor Mark Sanford emailed his mistress, Despite the best efforts of my head / my heart cries out for you.¹

The second wall is Lust, that raw sexual impulse that the Greeks called “Eros.”  While attraction is leading the heart astray, lust sneaks in below the belt to commandeer every move, as Elan Haverford boldly clarifies:

So, courage then, and chance the daring ride!

Be not fainthearted, says my inner guide.²

Since adultery is a crime that needs a tight-lipped accomplice, the third wall is Secrecy—a kind of sideshow mirror wall wherein every trace of reality is lost, and as Chandler Haste confesses, everyday life becomes a mere charade.³

Finally, the fervid wall of Intensity secures the crypt. Unknowingly trapped within a madhouse, the lovers fancy themselves deeply and madly in love.⁴ But, not so fast: “If you think you love your mistress for herself, you are mistaken,” said Voltaire. Right! Gazing into each others eyes, the lovers are merely trapped in a delusion and captivated by their own reflections.

To escape this asylum one must pass through the Door of Understanding. Delirious with the drug of illicit love, however, the errant pair is clueless as to their predicament, and unable even to contemplate their addictions.⁵

The padlock on the door of understanding is Brevity: clandestine trystings are necessarily fleeting, so despite the illusion of intimacy, the lovers never truly get to know each other, and their illusions remain intact.⁶

The key to the lock on the door is Guilt.  Rising guilt—or outright shame—eventually turns the key that opens the door of understanding; enlightenment follows and all four walls begin to dissolve. Only now can inmates move their minds into alignment with their emotions. Then, if they are serious about wanting to create a lasting love affair, they can rationally, consciously and autonomously choose between two options.

• God-fearing citizens will mostly favor following the voice of conscience; repenting their sins, returning to the bosom of their families, repairing their marriages, and rebuilding their lives. According to reconstructed sinner Lady Mary Wroth (who formerly lived a deliciously wicked life) sinners who finally follow this righteous route discover “stalwart love” within the heart of the spouse they wronged. And so, says Mary, leave off, what’s past shows you can love, / Now let your Constancy your Honor prove.⁷

• Non-believers prefer the imagined voice of reason. This existence is the only one we’ll ever have, they say, so we must create the life we want with the love we need. To achieve that, we must scrap the notion—which nobody actually believes—that it is only ever possible to love one person at a time. Recognize, instead, that to confine one’s love in this way is a form of disloyalty, especially to one’s own true self. Hence the appeal of the following sentiment “Aroma had no intention of passively bowing to her fate; she simply could not accept the idea that her precious romance of the last ten nights was all over just because her husband had come home.” This quotation, from a 1634 Ming Dynasty novel, “The Prayer Mat of Flesh,” refers to the Taoist belief that sexual indulgence may lead to divine union. A most appealing idea for ambivalent sinners.

If you’re unsure as to which of the above options is right for you, a test at the bottom of the page 105 of Sonnets for Sinners will take the measure of your heart and provide the advice you need. The anthology also offers forty-nine devilishly crafted, life-altering sonnets, together with my insights into the poems, the hearts and minds of the eighteen poets, and the lessons they learned within the Asylum of Illicit Love—including, most crucially, how to create a lasting love affair.

John Wareham has counseled top international business leaders and transformed the lives of prison inmates in New York’s toughest prisons. He has published ten books of non-fiction, fiction, and poetry. What might define him best, is a vein of dark humor as he discloses human foibles and helps readers to recognize and pursue their own best interests.  His latest work, Sonnets for Sinners, examines the inner lives of sinning lovers, his previous work, a psycho-political thriller, The President’s Therapist, explored the psyche of United States President, George W. Bush. His earlier works include Secrets of a Corporate Headhunter, a popular business bestseller, The Anatomy of a Great Executive, a 13-language reference classic, How to Break Out of Prison, a life-changer, and Chancey On Top, a critically acclaimed novel that explores themes of leadership, love, and enlightenment.  www.sonnetsforsinners.com

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