Since my last column, I’ve had the chance to test my white-coat worry stamina first-hand. I made an appointment for an MRI and didn’t get clammy hands while scheduling the appointment. And I’ve only made a handful of comments to my husband about the possibility of something imploding while I’m in the machine, which seems to happen with regularity on the TV show House. I’ve decided it’s best to stop watching that program.
I was also able to answer the safety questions the nurse asked me on the phone without adding in any caveats. Okay, you’re right. I added in one. Well, two. This is how the conversation went:
Nurse: “Do you have any holes or piercings except for in your ears?”
Me: Thinking carefully, “No.”
Nurse: “Have you ever had surgeries where you’ll get the MRI?”
- Just to let you know, the MRI would be taken of my abdomen.
Me: Mentally reviewing my surgeries out loud, just in case. “My tonsils and a chest tube…”
Nurse: “Nothing in the abdomen then?”
Me: “Doesn’t sound like it.”
Nurse: “Are you claustrophobic?”
Me: “No. Well, I don’t think so. I mean, I don’t make a habit of going in to small enclosed spaces.” Silence from the other end told me the nurse continued to listen patiently. “My mom is though, but I don’t get nervous in elevators like she does. Do you think this is a hereditary condition?”
Nurse: “We’ll see you Monday at 9:30.”
She must’ve missed my question.
This week’s topic is connected to my doctor phobia. Along with worrying that I have something wrong, I proactively worry my loved ones have a host of illnesses. So naturally I urge them to go to the doctor. Often. My husband for instance, had never gone to the dermatologist before last year. He finally gave in to my coaxing and had a mole removed near his ankle. It turned out to be fine, but was the type that could’ve grown into something in years. So I still think I saved his life. I tell him this on a regular basis.
But for some reason, people tend to get annoyed by my catchphrase, “You should have that checked out,” or “better let your doctor know.” So I turned again to Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., M.S., P.T psychologist, physical therapist, and author of “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness” for her sage advice.
“It’s hard to make people do something they don’t want to do,” she tells me. “The best you can do is say, I’m concerned and love you. Research shows prevention is so important and would mean so much to me.”
That sounds much better than what I say to my husband, mother, brother, and friends. What I tell them sounds more like a reprimand or even a command. Get thee to a doctor! Maybe that’s even partly why my brother has on occasion called me a mother hen. The other problem is I also don’t tend to give up on reminding them, which can cause some friction. Dr. Lombardo lets me know that might not be the best approach.
“If they said no, you have to accept that,” she says.
I do? But what else can I do to help them? I need to do something. They might be at death’s door, for goodness sakes.
“That goes back to that notion of if I worry at least I’m doing something,” she adds.
Back to my familiar territory again.
She explains that through my worrying, I’m trying to show that person that I care about them. “That’s your way of showing you love that person.”
I laugh because it sounds ludicrous – I’m trying to show I care through worry? But I know she’s right. My worry alone can’t make someone feel better, get them to the doctor, or alter test results. I guess I need to focus on being supportive in case something happens. I’ll try picturing the winter coat on whomever I try to convince to go to the doctor. I’ve already mentioned that my husband should get a well check up this year, so he knows I care.
- Jennifer Taylor lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and Burmese cat. Her website iswww.jrtaylorweb.com
Photo Credit © Yuri Arcurs | Dreamstime.com
Tags: anxiety, self-help, self-projections, stress, worry
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