Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do
by Wednesday Martin
A groundbreaking and truly stepmother-centered way of understanding the tensions that seem to define relations between women and their stepchildren
Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. And what woman with stepchildren has not — in order to defuse the often overwhelming challenges and anxieties she experiences — referred to herself as a “stepmonster”?
What Hope Edelman’s book has done for motherless daughters, Wednesday Martin’s empowering and original Stepmonster does for stepmothers: unlocks the emotional mysteries of why they think and feel and act the way they do. Martin draws on her own experience as a stepmother, interviews many stepmothers and stepchildren, and gathers insights from literature, psychology, and evolutionary biology to reveal the little-understood realities of this demanding role.
Stepmonster illuminates the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, exposes the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, counteracts the prevailing notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems they encounter, identifies the five “step-dilemmas” that create conflict, and considers the emotional and social challenges men with children face when they remarry. Stepmonster also sheds light on the history of stepmothering and the previously overlooked legacy of women with stepchildren everywhere.
Finally, in an unexpected twist, Martin shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is at once an elaborate cultural fiction and our single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.
Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do
Chic Galleria is giving away a copy of Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do to one (1) lucky Chic Galleria reader. Just leave a comment on this article and tell us why would you or someone you know might enjoy this book? The winner will be chosen at random from those who leave a comment and the winners will be announced January 25, 2010.
Congratulations Kate!
Posted by: Alene on January 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm
I have been a stepmom for 5 years now and it has only gotten more difficult. I am in constant competition with my stepson for the smallest of my husband’s affections. I would love to get this book!
Posted by: Tina on January 15, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I have a dear friend who is marrying in April. He has 2 kids, 9 and 7. She LOVES them, they LOVE her. Yup….so did my skids in the younger days. I want to aim her in any direction that will help her to have the best possible life, marriage and continued relationship with her new family!
Posted by: Jennifer on January 15, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend of almost two years and his five-year-old daughter. I’ve been trying to research the step-mother experience to learn how to deal with everything.
Posted by: Gina on January 15, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Because I am at the end of my rope with my teenage stepdaughter and her mother, who is continually trying to alienate her from her father. My husband and I have been in constant court battles with her since the day we got back from our wedding 3 1/2 years ago, and our only alternative at this point seems to be giving up custody and moving some place far, far away!
Posted by: Heather Burroughs on January 15, 2010 at 6:01 pm
I have been a stepmother for a year now. I’ve been in the kids life for a total of 3. despite my efforts in being the best that i can be and as they are getting older things are getting tougher and tougher.
Posted by: Darcy B on January 15, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I’m a stepmother & I adore my stepchildren their Mother & stepfather are a different story –I feel like they are constantly plotting against me. We have joint custody but we pay child support so they have a house we have an apartment.
The one time we took a real vacation we had planned for months to take the kids to Disneyland it was their first trip and a huge deal for us —so what did their Mom & stepfather do they took them to Disneyland spent the weekend their got back the day before our trip—just to try to spoil it for us!—-I cried–can you imagine doing that to somebody!!
Posted by: Julie Holt on January 15, 2010 at 8:44 pm
I hope to gain insite to what I am expierencing and the reassurance that I am not alone in this world. I have so much love to give my stepchildren, yet I have been compaired to a children’s movie villian by my step-daughter, age 11. I thought I was prepared before marring my husband (extensive research on blended families and sought advise and councle from our pastor), but I am so hurt, torn and broken. His children don’t want to visit him anymore. I hurt to see him so broken, too. I hurt to see the effects all this has on my son, who loves having a big brother and sister to look up to, but gets rejected. I feel so helpless…. I hope to gain a better understanding and insite so that I can stop feeling like everyone would be better off without me…
Posted by: lora on January 16, 2010 at 8:54 am
I am dating a man with three kids: 5 and 7 year old boys and a 13 year old daughter. We’re talking marriage and I would like to learn more about how things may change once we’re married.
Posted by: Suddenly Stepmom on January 16, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Hello. Stepmonster has been on my wish list for several months now. I enjoy stepmom lit and I’ve heard great things about Wednesday Martin’s book. I’ve been a stepmom to two boys for a year and-a-half now and my adjustment to this new life has been especially difficult because I’m also getting used to a new country – I moved out to Scotland (from Seattle) to take on this role! My husband is wonderful and I wouldn’t undo any of this, but it has been tough to find girlfriends and rebuild my whole life here, so I could certainly use a bit of stepmom therapy.
Posted by: Amanda on January 16, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I have been a (step)mom for going on 6 years. It seems to only get more difficult as the years go by. I love my (step)son, but dealing with his mom is the most insane thing I have ever dealt with in my life.
Posted by: Tami Golliday on January 16, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Is begging for help a comment?
Help!
Posted by: Kate on January 16, 2010 at 7:50 pm
I know I’ll enjoy this book because I’m a stepmom – have been one for 6 years now – and my husband still doesn’t believe that step-parenting is hard. It would be nice to read confirmation that I’m not bad for not loving the kids as much as he does.
Posted by: Talia on January 17, 2010 at 5:35 am
My life as a stepmother is getting progressively more difficult. I would love to be a better stepmother to my husband’s two children.
Thank you for entering me for a chance!
Posted by: Jennifer on January 17, 2010 at 9:44 pm
I have been a stepmother for 16 yrs, I have a almost 20 yr old stepson.lives with his mom,we get along fine, I have an almost 19 yr old stepdaughter and a 17 yr old stepdaughter who live with us and have a high conflict BM whos only contact with them is to try and start trouble. My husband and I have a 15 yr old son(wish there was a book for that). I also have a wonderful granddaughter from SD 19. But even though I am basically the only mother they have ever had and they treat me as such, I still feel like I am on the outside a lot of the time.
Posted by: Beth C on January 18, 2010 at 2:40 pm
I am a stepmother and would love to read this to get some pointers!
pbclark(at)netins(dot)net
Posted by: Holly on January 22, 2010 at 9:51 am
I cannot even express how much I want, or rather need, to read a book like this. I have been with my partner for a little over 4 years now and have lived with him for most of that time. Since we got together he has been put through absolute hell from his ex-wife, been to court several times, has been completely screwed over in every aspect of the sense and I need to know that I am not alone because throughout the past 4+ years, that is all I have felt concerning all of this. I need insight! I need this book!
Posted by: Tracie Yule on January 22, 2010 at 1:25 pm
I’ve been a stopmother for 6 years and have felt very alone in that title. I’m curious of my relationships are the same as other mothers.
Posted by: Eve @arewethere on January 23, 2010 at 2:37 pm
I would definitely benefit from, this book. I am a stepmother to a 12 year old boy suffering from the growing pains of life. It becomes increasingly harder each day to resolve issues between myself, my husband, and his biological mother.
Posted by: Beeb Ashcroft on January 24, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Sounds like an interesting read. Thanks for the giveaway!